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She’s broken .

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I’ll admit this .I can’t take it anymore . I’m tired of faking a smile everyday when all I wanna do is just lie on my bed and cry . I’m on the verge of crying , I have no one to turn to . I want to die.

It hurts , it fucking hurts.  So badly that I’m on the verge to end everything . 

I know I can make it thru this , but I can’t , I just can’t , I want you back . I need you , you’re the only thing that actually keeps me going , you’re the only one that’s on my mind that makes me smile , makes me cry , that makes me feel all the emotion I don’t wanna feel , felt . I wish you’re beside me, I fucking want you back , but what if…. what if it happens again ? We’re suppose to go thru this together , why can’t you feel the same back ? why can’t you just make me prove to you that we’re meant to be ? Did I force you ? I choose to not believe what had happen on the last day I saw you . Am I too hard for you ? For fuck sake . I gave you everything , how could you just leave like this …….? like nothing had happen?

I wish you could care Niu , For fuck sake’s I fucking wish you could . but you won’t won’t you ? It’s hurts seeing you happy without me . It hurts to know I can never ever make you smile like them , it hurts . I’m broken , you see the picture up there ? I’m good at this huh ? I’m good at faking a smile aren’t I ? You know what ? Now you’ve made this girl broken , You gotta fix her back , you can’t just play with me and throw .I’m not a toy .I thought you tiong xim one ? Then why the fuck are we like this now ? I want to believe you’re tiong xim , Can you prove to me for once that’s I’m actually right ? Can you ? Fuck ……. 

You’re the only one who had saw me being torn-ed apart , slit myself , cry , get angry , everything , So now what ?Am I too ugly for you now ? And I not good enough ? You promised me remember ? That you’ll never leave , that you’ll take care of me until my scar is gone , that you’ll love you , that you’ll be only mine , that you’ll never ever leave . I’m still waiting , I’m still waiting for you to come back love . I really am . stupid huh ? Well yeah I’d admit to that , I’d admit for the fact that I love you too much to let go ,I don’t wanna let go , I really don’t . and ya’know what ? Fuck everything , I just want you back . 

but you know what ? She’s on a mission tonight , to do something that she always wanted to do , to break promises she had with people . She’s not doing it so she could have you back , She just wants to numb herself , numb herself from everything and everyone , but all she ever wanted was you , nothing else , that’s all xx. 

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