Bearbear ☆

Hey everyone .
It’s the 23rd of October and tomorrow is me and my boyfriend third month LOLOL. Okay that’s not the point , the point it I decided to blog about something that is making me upset because I made a rational choice and now I’m just…. sad, and regretful and guilty .
So I took care of a dog for a day at my house , I really didn’t expect myself to invest any feelings for him, but well I did , and I had to give him away because of my dad, and I’m just……

So his name is called bearbear , well because he looks like one , he is like less than a year old , a cute little playful puppy , he nibbles on people , and brown looking dog, he looks just like a sun bear ! Really really cute dog .
And he was given away today to a stranger , and I’m sad , and guilty , what if the dogs that the stranger got before him bite or gang up on him? What if he got abuse by his owner? What if …. he’s unhappy ?

I know he feels happy here , especially when he is with Samuel , but well.. he is gone and I can’t see him again , and I am freaking upset but I can’t do anything about it because sometimes my decisions tend to make people feel upset over themselves or about me , about my actions , and I don’t want that. When I look at bear bear’s eyes , he reminded me of someone that I couldn’t think of , I felt something.
But he is gone , and he is never gonna come back to my side , and I have to suck it up because its all because of me that I didn’t train him and make him ended up in someone’s else hands, and I really just can’t help but feel sad and even though I really wanna talk about it , I can’t because no one understands , so thus here .

I want him to be happy , I hope you’ll be in good hands okay bear? You won’t see this anyway …. but I hope you are happy at that someone’s place , I pray that you won’t get abuse , I pray for your playfulness so that you won’t get hit by anyone or get bitten by the other dogs , you need to know that I’m sorry okay? I really really want you with me , but I guess I … can’t . I know I’ll miss you , please miss me. I wish I could have you back but I just know I can’t, but I just wish.. maybe one day okay? One day you’ll find a way back to my side , I know it sounds stupid and impossible but I pray and hope you do , cause I know I will take care of you and I won’t let anyone or anything decide where you are gonna get a roof on top of you with. I’m sorry I always leave you in the kitchen most of the time because of my selfishness to get some sleep, I’m sorry for letting you whine and didn’t do anything about it , I’m sorry for leaving you alone even though I know you don’t like it, I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry I didn’t took great care for you , I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you even though I know you are leaving because of one’s decision for your life, I am sorry…but please , please don’t forget me okay? I know I won’t forget you , ever.

I love you bear bear , be happy ❤

And to those people who is like ‘what’s done cannot be undone ‘ or ‘ cheer up’ or ‘ lol you deserve it ‘ , Fuck you and Fuck off . You don’t know me and you don’t have the rights to judge unless you are perfect okay? So shut the Fuck up, I don’t wish to listen to any of the nonsensical Fuck comments that idiotic morons make .
Ya’ bet I’m trying to cheer up , I am really trying , I mean first days are always the hardest right ? Thanks but no thanks I don’t really need that cause I know myself well to do or decide things .
So Yeap I’m done. 

Blogging makes me feel better .


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