For starters ,

She gave love a chance again .

Not long after , well…… Things happened , and it didn’t became the same again .

Ever since then , She changed . Her eyes weren’t as lit up as it was before , it felt like her soul has been sucked out from her body , her thoughts went deep down and she met her worst fear , thinking she won’t be seeing them for the longest time but then… Who knew . She became even more self conscious thinking , ‘ Why ? Was I not good enough ?’ , she cried herself to sleep every night , did the silliest things one could ever thought of and failed , she couldn’t let go . She was exhausted , broken , helpless , numb , soulless , lost , miserable . Gone . Gone were her mind . Gone .

Desperate measures –
Then she went to the extend of being desperate , desperate to be happy , to clear her thoughts from everything that reminded her or him. She went to pay a visit to her ol’ friend , nightlife , again .
She had occasional booze , party with companies , more booze , more of everything she could use to forget about her god damn worries even for the slightest moment . That moment . That moment where she had one of the best fucking time of her life . That moment where she tries to find her happy good ol’ self again.

But then it all comes down to one place , her home .
Home where memories were made , where all the crying the brawling the tears the blood the cuts the photos EVERYTHING , where everything took place .

And then she came to a realization that, no matter how much she puts a strong front to anyone she knew , she can never shake off the feeling of being heartbroken , the feeling of sadness engulfs her because nothing’s really worse than that feeling when you’ve lost someone who meant the whole world to you , atleast not for now , not for now that she’ll be able to get over him or anything but people really do need to know that she IS trying .

This post is dedicated to you .
You know who you are , and I want to let you know that you can’t do this to me , not when I’m trying my utmost best to forget everything about us that happened . You know what kind of effect you still have on me , and by knowing that you shouldn’t abuse that thought . Don’t ever text me or whatever EVER again . I’m already as damaged as I am . Focus on your girl because she deserve nothing but the very , very , best from you . Don’t you ever use whatever tricks up your sleeves that you’ve used on me because she deserves so much better than that . She’s the real deal I hope .

My wish for 2014 is that you stay where you are and don’t ever come back to me , don’t even try DON’T you even have the slightest thought of it because I think I’ve deserved enough hurt from this process of ‘falling in love ‘. I need time to be at the very least to tell everyone who cares for me that I am genuinely okay .

Goodnight x

Love is a beautiful thing but it could be also be the worst thing you’ll ever come acrossed if mishandled or mistreated . – {G.G.X}


2 thoughts on “For starters ,

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