No one understands how dead I want to be I just want to be dead you know I don’t want to Feel dead all the fucking time I WANT to be dead .
Sad how I can’t cope with all this shit I’m just so messed up I can’t even fucking deal my life properly and then people starts to go all losing their shit on me and walk away it’s fucking exhausting you know I just can’t deal life ok June was suppose to be a new start but it seems like I’m never able to get my shit together ever fucking again because I’m just out of control and a fucking mess I just can’t
I just can’t ……….. I’m really exhausted and it’s not something sleep can help with INFACT it’s one of the worst thing right now after not having blackouts coming back on me I just keep having dreams about us nightmares fucking nightmares ok and then I wake up crying all fucking over again like the time when it’s five / six in the morning when you called and told me your ass is about to get caught soon and then you told me you fucking love me to only end up flipping on me and breaking me all fucking over again
I just want to end all of this . My obsession with how I look how I interact with people how my reflection looks back at me when I see the mirror how I try so so so hard to not cut myself how I try to not feel ugly but actually I feel Infact just too ugly like too much ugliness how can one have that much I don’t even know I just have it you know and how I know I’ll never be good enough for anyone or anything for that matter how I make people so frustrated and piss off and sad most of the time and that they just walk out on me every fucking time how I have to hear lies over and over again everyday and how I have to deal with E v e r y t h i n g .
I’m just a burden to everyone and I don’t see a point Y’know I’m just better off dead I can lessen the weighs on my parents shoulder they don’t have to worry about my future and constantly have to keep up with the nagging trying to fix how fucking ugly I am and me dealing with my cuttings constantly they don’t have to bother trying to understand me basically they just have one less child slash burden to worry on .
I’m so messed up To the point that there won’t be a point of me getting all fixed up like there’s no fucking way of fixing my pieces back
I’m just so much better off dead.