I’ve forgotten about this site. I read my previous posts and this is just gonna be another one of those post again. Sadly.
I can never truly understand why do I always get this kind of shit happen to me.
(I’ve forgotten what a heartbreak feels like)
Maybe you did or you didn’t notice, but I’ve always protected, defended, loved you when everyone thought differently of you. I’d admit, I’m always cracking you, but only because I wanted nothing but you shining the brightest out of everyone.
I hated myself for doing all of this to you.
(I only wanted you to better)
I’ve spent endless nights imagining, “what’ll happen if I relapse again?” while my arms were shaking like a drug addict craving for her heroine.
(I guess you just became another one of the demons tonight in my head.)
And then this happened to me.
Just thinking about what you had done to me makes me sick. (The moment I found out)
Actually being sick. I felt so nauseous and giddy, feeling like my heart’s in my throat, so so hard to breathe. You never knew the sleepless nights and the endless anxieties I felt when I break you. My heart hurts too, with you. (Sadly, I still do)
To actually see what you’ve said about me, it’s soul shattering.
Never in my wildest dreams you would be the person to do this to me.
But what’s the fucking point.
(I’m in fragments)
I’ll heal. Just not tonight.
(I’m sorry to break all the promises I’ve made to/with you. You and I, will find someone better)